getting into one of those self discriminating moods again. you know, the ones when you feel like you can never compete with anyone in anything. those im-good-for-nothing feelings. sigh. prolly you won’t understand, but it’s what comes when everything seems to be going from bad to worse. when everything you try for fails and no one minds. when miniscule things suddenly go wrong and the big picture is ruined. when one off-handed phrase could cause you wondering the whole night. when everyone around you thinks they’ve reached their limit and perfection is still so far off. when you look in the mirror and couldn’t see one single thing worth bringing out. when your mom is the one making a mess and not cleaning up. when assignments are done minutes before due time. when a to-do list only ever expands. when… when i start writing these incomprehensible entries and hope someone will come by and leave a encouragement, but also fear that you who come by will understand…
lifts my head to the enlarged poster of KellyChen hanging high up.
closes my eyes and see the image God wants me to be. blurry.
don’t you miss those days when everything feels perfect? no, coz i never had one of those days before. it’s always afterwards that it seemed perfect. but at that time, nothing is. does this mean everyday gets worse?
no… i must focus on the good side. tomorrow will be better…
give up -da-, you’ll never achieve perfection.
work harder -da- you can do it!
forget it. no one is that good, let alone perfect.
… i can do it.